Kids these days: Tech in toys.

Kids these days. Am I right? With their Nintendo DS’s and their PSP’s and their Pokey Mons. When I was growing up, our idea of fun was to go in the backyard and hit each other with sticks and pretend we were Jedi or ninjas or VR Troopers. VR Troopers? Anyone? No one? Fine, moving on.

We! Are! Not a knock-off!

The point is, my electronics time as a kid was limited. My parents actually made the effort to shoo me and my brothers outside if we spent more than two hours playing Nintendo. Let me tell you, when you were working with a broken Zelda cartridge that would save your game only, oh, let’s say 42% of the time, that made rescuing princesses very difficult. Instead, we had to make do with analog toys like Matchbox and Nerf guns, and set the electronics aside.

I was on the Toys R Us website (I’m disappointed that I can’t type a backwards “R” right now) looking for gifts for the kids i babysit, and as soon as the front page loaded, I was shocked. I did not see an ad for a Slip n’ Slide, or a bicycle, or a LEGO set. Instead, staring me in the face was an ad telling me to buy an iPod.

Now, I have an iPod. I love my iPod. I couldn’t live without my iPod. But I’m pretty sure the two-year-old kid i babysit doesn’t need an iPod.

"Hm? Oh, just listening to some She & Him. Yeah, I liked them before they got big."

Electronics have become a huge part of kids’ toys over the last twenty years. Click on the “educational toys” tab on the Toys R Us website, and the first thing you see is a handheld gaming device. They sell laptops now as well, which are listed in the 5-7 age range. Five to seven years old. Do kids that young even know how to spell laptop?

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I’m anti-technology. As the tech geek i am, that would be like Mike Tyson saying “Hey kids, remember, violence isn’t the answer”. I can’t go four hours without my laptop, I can’t go four minutes without my phone. And if I go a day without some World of Warcraft, my thumbs start to twitch.

But the thing is, kids need to use their imaginations. Anyone remember the "duck hunt" gun for nintendo? how many of you unplugged that and ran around shooting it at invisible bad guys? i know i can't be the only one. Many of us did. It’s because when we’re kids, we play. It’s all part of developing our feeble little kid brains.

Maybe I’m overreacting. To be honest, I’m just kinda jealous. Nowadays, kids get to play with awesome stuff like this Star Wars Force Trainer, which comes with a headset that READS YOUR EVER-LOVIN’ BRAIN WAVES so that when you think about levitating the ball in the tube, it actually levitates. Do you know what would have happened if I had gotten one of those for Christmas as a kid? My head would have exploded. Literally exploded. My parents would have been cleaning gray matter off of the Christmas tree and cursing the heavens and Mattel.

OH MY GOD I'M A JEDI

I’m actually of the belief that I owe a lot of my problem-solving and other life skills to video games, so I think there is some value to electronics for kids. But we do need to shove them outside at some point. Nothing builds character more than getting shot in the face with one of these:

Yeah, that’s a freakin Nerf machine gun.

Go ahead, prove me wrong. Show me some good tech for kids in the comments.

Board game "mini review" for small world

Small World is a beautiful and fun civilization game that I was first introduced to at a new years eve party a few years back. It has some fantasy RPG elements I found appealing, and the art is so gorgeous, I often find myself picking up tokens and examining them, when I should be examining my strategy instead. The object of the game is to be the player at the end with the most points, which are gained by controlling territory. To start, each player chooses a race and power combination. For instance, you might wind up with Flying Halflings, Swamp Ratmen, or Pillaging Amazons. The combos that are available to you at a given time are random, but it’s up to you to pick the one you find most advantageous. Small World has a nice balance of strategy, luck, and player interaction. If you want, you can take strategy to the max, thinking through the possible scenarios before you. Or you can relax a little and go on instinct and still be in for a fun time. It really depends on who you’re up against.

THE BASICS:

Play Time: 80 minutes

Number of Players: 2-5. BGG users recommend 4. I’ve most often played it with 4, and I agree that seems ideal. Still, the 2-player version isn’t shabby, and it’s great to have to that available for couples.

Suggested age: 8 and up. I played with two different kids – a 10-year-old and 12-year-old, and while they enjoyed it, they needed a little guidance.

Designer: Philippe Keyaerts

Artist: Miguel Coimbra

Published: 2009, by Days of Wonder, Edge Entertainment

Buy: The game retails for $50 on the Days of Wonder website, but I recommend looking on Amazon or Thought Hammer for a better deal. And don’t forget about your local friendly board game store.

Geeky tatts of the week

So I’m buying my five dollar foot long and a dude came in to tell me i left my lights on. I reply with the clever, “Thanks!” (as you should do in a situation such as this) and go to shake his hand. When I look down, I see some decorative flesh art that is so epic that I start taking pictures of it almost before I ask if it’s okay.

The best part is, THEY’RE NOT DONE. Soon light sabers will adorn each finger. He said he felt weird because, “If I were Caucasian, Obi Wan would look right, but because I’m Mexican, he just looks kinda tan,” to which I reply drolly, “Well, Tatooine IS in a binary star system.” *snort laugh*

So to this fine young gentleman with exquisite taste in online periodical literature (whose tweetstream is @matthewebone) I say, “NICE TATOOINE TATTS!”

Btw, don’t bother cutting off his right hand. It would only become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

How the heck do i beat the last level of Plants verses Zombies?!?

Plants vs Zombies is a pretty easy tower defense game, as tower defense games go. But HOLY CRAP the difficulty jumps up at the very last level. I really want to beat it so I can move on to trying for achievements and such, but every time I try, I lose, get frustrated, and play The Creeps! instead.

If you haven’t played through Plants vs Zombies and don’t want to know anything about the last level, I suggest you don’t read the following. It contains ****SPOILERS!****

Ok, so you’re still with me. Then you probably know that in the last level, an ugly dude controlling a giant robot appears, unleashing the usual zombie onslaught, along with some new dangers, like camper vans and ice and fire balls. I think his name is Dr. Zomboss. This is one of those levels where you don’t worry about making sunshine, and available defenses just roll up on the left side. The thing is, I think I’m doing everything right. I’m saving my ice shrooms and jalapeño peppers for the fire balls and ice balls respectively. I heard that if you use the ice shrooms as soon as he bends down to freeze him, you can have more time to hit him. But when I do that I run out of ice shrooms and don’t have them when I need them. Gah! I hates it. I got really far tonight right before writing this, got to where the green bar at the top was nearly full. But some stupid giant zombie got me. How do you kill the giant zombies in this level anyway? The jalapeños don’t work on them, so I guess the only thing to do is freeze them with an ice shroom I no longer have while pummeling them with a melon I also NO LONGER HAVE. They were all squished by a camper van or stolen by a bungee zombie.

So yeah. That’s my rant of frustration. I still love the game and only blame myself for not yet beating it. If you have any tips please feel free to share them in the comments.